I hate to break it to you, but your significant other might be involved in a covert relationship.
With who, you ask? Chase JPMorgan. Or Wells Fargo or Citibank.
According to a recent survey from the financial information website Bankrate, 39% of us have engaged in some type of “financial adultery” against the person we are coupled with, whether it was a large purchase, a concealed debt, or an unknown account.
According to Ted Rossman, senior industry analyst at Bankrate, “we find that consumers have these financial skeletons in their closets every year.” People hide things out of shame and embarrassment, which causes the secret to grow stronger over time.
According to Bankrate, 12% of people who are married, in a civil partnership, or who live with their significant other have a hidden credit card. Meanwhile, 10% of people are carrying concealed debt, 11% are accruing significant expenses that their partners are unaware of, and 9% have a secret savings account.
Younger generations are keeping the largest financial secrets a secret, which is an interesting observation. Compared to Gen X or Baby Boomers, a staggering 63% of Generation Z and 54% of Millennials with current partners kept financial information from them.
According to Amanda Clayman, a financial therapist in Los Angeles, “there used to be an expectation that couples would absolutely link up their financial life. However, I find that is really changing with younger clients.” “Many younger folks may not necessarily possess that level of fusion. They might not even consider these matters to be secrets.”
Transparency in a partnership is always a good thing, regardless of your own transgressions. Here are four strategies for bringing these financial ghosts out of hiding:
BE DISCLOSIVE
Separate accounts are OK as long as they are disclosed. There is nothing wrong at all with loving partners having separate bank accounts. In fact, many couples find that to be the most effective arrangement.
However, secrecy is not a good thing. Be open and transparent and set those ground conditions up front if you desire to keep a fund that is solely yours. You might then possibly construct a joint account for shared spending on top of that.
SET UP A “MONEY DATE”
Given how taboo discussing money is, it can be difficult to know how or when to do so. By setting out sporadic time for you to get down with your partner and discuss precisely that, you can get through that particular obstacle.
It doesn’t even need to be long to start; perhaps only five or ten minutes. But setting aside a regular time slot is an excellent starting point for discussing money matters and saying what has to be said.
If there are already financial discussions taking place, such as those regarding planning or budgeting, Clayman advises, that is beneficial. “That money date offers you the chance to talk about any issues that may arise with your partner.”
OBTAIN PROFESSIONAL AID
It can be challenging to bring up money secrets depending on the specifics of your relationship and any collected baggage over the years. This is when involving a third party can be beneficial, such as a financial planner, couples therapist, or financial therapist with training in both fields.
A different set of eyes can see the problem with more objectivity and help make suggestions for how to proceed.
Although a third party is not necessary in every situation, Clayman believes it can be highly beneficial. You have someone who can steer the discourse back on track if it enters a “red zone” where personal assaults become frequent.
ACT NOW
You are mistaken if you believe that concealing a few small financial secrets won’t cause any harm. In a 2021 research by the National Endowment for Financial Education, 85% of respondents claimed that financial infidelity had some impact on their relationship.
Furthermore, according to 52% of respondents to the Bankrate survey, dishonest financial practices are as as bad as or even worse than physical dishonesty.
In other words, being honest is a better course of action.
Therefore, it is always preferable to disclose secrets earlier rather than later. According to Rossman, you can discover that most of the time, people are generally quite forgiving.
The best course of action, according to Bankrate’s Rossman, is to be honest as soon as you can. The secrecy ultimately proves to be the worst aspect because it’s difficult to regain that confidence.
